Friday, April 6, 2012
I just have to say
These photos have gotten a reaction on FB. It might be because I rarely post photos of myself.. I changed my profile pic to one of these in the last few days and people are commenting on them. Which is nice...but I H.A.T.E. being photographed & I usually have to try for a good 30min. to get one I like. There are photographers who take lovely self-portraits without holding the camera....
I wish I could do that.....
I apologize if I sound vain at all, not my intent nor my heart attitude what-so-ever.
When people give me compliments on my looks I feel a tad uncomfortable. Of course it is so nice to hear and yes it boosts my self-esteem but it also scares me.
When I post things, especially photos of myself I don't want to be seen or have the attitude of one who "fishes for compliments". I just don't want to be that girl. This worry/fear I believe stems from years of being manipulative
[PRAISE THE LORD HE SAVED ME FROM GOING DOWN A HORRIBLE PATH THAT BEHAVIOR COULD HAVE LED TO!]
I am a self-conscious girl. I often have low self-esteem. I worry a lot about how I look & what I wear.
God is good & faithful. He is changing me everyday.
Sometimes I am scared that I will become so consumed by my looks & what I wear that I will be a snobby, self-righteous person. I am this way because I know the bad that I am capable of and I don't want to go back there. Truth is I could be bad and it wouldn't very hard and I would probably enjoy it. I think God gave me a guilty conscious for this reason, He knew as I got older I would need that moral support.
Anyway...I just want to make sure I stay humbled before God.
That my satisfaction and confidence is found in HIM not in what others think or say about me.
It's an everyday battle.
But Jesus is my strength, He will fight for me.