Its my {2nd} birthday!

March 31, 1992....twenty years ago.

My second birthday...I have been a part of Gods family for twenty years.

Twenty years, wow that seems so long. Even though I was very young when I accepted Jesus as my Savior I think I knew what  it meant.

In these twenty years I have had doubts, but never to the point that I would renounce my faith or deny what I believe. There have been many struggles and I am sure there will be many more to come.

I am sad to say that many of these last twenty years were not all used to glorify the Lord. 

For much of it I live in such a way that I was floating, I was a Christian and that covered it. But my heart wasn't in it not was Jesus my passion. My prayer for the years to come is this:

Whats a little rain?

This morning I said: "I wish it was sunny", today like yesterday there were gray skies...and then it rained.
I believe the weather has a lot to do with the general attitude of humanity, at least humanity in first world countries. Have you ever noticed how obsessed our American culture is with weather? Not that it isn't important but instead of being a tad relational or just listen to others we need to talk and because we don't always have something to talk about the weather is our go-to subject, no matter how taboo it is.
Most of the general populace is not pleased with the weather, the outcome is too hot, too cold, too rainy, or windy or snowy or foggy or bright or gray or ice or humid..on rare occasion are we as a culture satisfied with the weather of the day. If you take the weather at face value and just see the elements as elements then of course you will complain. The elements seem to be something that can not be controlled.

As I returned home from the gym this morning there was rain falling and my mind and mouth said "I wish it wasn't raining" then I stopped and thought that through rain and gray comes good things...growth.
Without the gray days and rain things wouldn't grow, new life wouldn't happen.
This seems so parallel to the storms, troubles, trials in life. The sweetest thing about that is this: storms and gray days do not last for long, some are longer then others.In Noahs case forty days and forty nights was the length of the "storm", praise God that a storm such as that won't happen again.

Even for Noah, God had a promise, a blessing and a covenant. I look at the rain and feel a little sad,

because the gray and gloominess just seems depressing..but I know it is momentary.

Just as my problems, trials, struggles. My God pours down blessings on me in the midst of this.

After awhile there was thunder and lightening, oh the power of it! A thought came to mind as I was listening to the thunder.

I could make a lot of noise

but I could never be as loud as thunder,

I could find a lot of water

but never satisfy the earth.

What power and care God has, I was overcome by a sense of peace and thankfulness today as I pondered the love and power of God.

God is good,

so good!

Oh Father God,

how sweet it is to be loved by You

and to know Your care,

Your protection and Your power.

How amazing Your works!

Set an example

what a challenge...
as a follower of Jesus Christ I am to set an example in my speech...
how many million times a day do I fail at this without realizing.
When I am driving & someone is driving like it's Wednesday (crazy driver day...apparently)
my speech is not setting an example.
I am to set an example in my life...
what I do, where I go, who I am, what I spend time doing.
I am to set an example in love... how I treat others.
Faith & purity... faith another hard one, such struggle!

Holy spirit, pour richly over my life.

May I honor You & set an example in speech, life, love, faith & purity.

On My Plate No. 008

Today My friend came over and we made breakfast food!

So good!

Coffee,

Blueberry pancakes,

Egg, 

Bacon, 

sausage

& Smoothie: 

frozen banana, oatmeal, soy milk, strawberries, mango, blueberries & spinach.

Then....

Yes that is right, I said....

You can snag the recipe here.

I will be trying this recipe again to get the frosting better 

& to just improve the overall yum factor of this creation.

 

Blessed day

  Today I have been blessed by times with 3 dear friends.

A surprise encounter in the grocery store with a dear friend.

Helping out my friend who just had gallbladder surgery today,

she also has a 1 1/2 month old sweet baby boy & I was able to talk with her,

help with the baby, clean & watch a movie with her. So nice!

& a phone conversation with a sweet friend.

Heart of wisdom.

I stand in awe at the sovereignty of my God.

In a time where I feel so inadequate, hopeless, sad & forgotten

God can use me.

How unworthy I am.

Tonight I was speaking with a guest about my experience of being home schooled.

As we were talking another guest came into the hallway.

This particular guest is a lesbian & is a fighter to her core.

If you mess with her she will take you down.

 As these ladies & I were talking I shared a little bit of my story with them.

I told the fighter how I use to be very much like her,

I was a fighter, not so much a physical fighter but a verbal fighter.

Backing down did not happen,

apologizing did not happen,

admitting I was wrong did not happen.

One of the guests told me she could not believe that I was an arguer or a fighter.

(I told her to ask my sister.)

By the grace of God,

a lot of falling from pride

& attitude adjustments

God has changed me.

When I don't feel like I measure up to much at all,

when I feel like I have nothing to offer,

Jesus uses what He brought me from.

Glory to Him!

Teach me to number my days,

so I may gain a heart of wisdom.

A humble, servant heart.

dawning java

{dawning java}

pretty much the morning coffee, first coffee of the day, virtual coffee.

I love what amy @ Lucky No.13 does on Tuesdays.

Virtual coffee, a time where she shares her heart or just what is going on in her life...

as though you are sitting down for coffee with her.

Now me being me, I love the idea but I don't want to steal her great idea,

so I came up with my twist.

So here it goes, installment #1 of "dawning java"

My coffee today was plan, folgers, coffee but since I can't handle plain, black coffee I always reach for creamer. My usual is Almond Joy, but today I opted for "fat free, skinny white chocolate mocha" and a drop or {three} of soy milk....

oh.my.lanta!!! 

That coffee was the BOMB!

Starts off the day right (wells sort of starts off)

[BTW...by the time I had my coffee today, I had already ben up for a couple of hours, been to the gym, started laundry &

started my breakfast of..

.:Baked oatmeal:.

This is the recipe I used, but I didn't have nuts so that didn't get it nor did I have chocolate chips.

Nuts aren't my fav, the only nut I might put in would be almonds. I also added apples, it was pretty tasty!]

Ok enough of getting side tracked...

If we were really having coffee I would probably tell you about my day, since I am writing this at almost 11PM this is what you get.

 I did some cleaning & took some photos.

Finally folded & put away clean laundry.

I have been trying some new things with photography.

on Saturday I took some photos in Flint

( & in my opinion)

I thought they were pretty snazzy!

I use my long lense,

look straight into the sun,

make sure the ISO is at lowest,

& the F/stop is like 1/22

& the shutter speed was 1/4000.

I think shooting the sky in these settings

 make it a tad more interesting.

I would probably tell you of my struggles

& ask what yours are.

What is God doing in your life?

I know God is teaching my about humility

& contentment...

Why is it when someone who struggles with those things,

especially in the area of contentment,

people always say..

"be content"

I want to raise my hand & sweetly say

"Um..excuse, that doesn't really help me.

Be content, how do you be content?"

I would love your thoughts on this.

I know contentment isn't being happy about everything,

sometimes I just really need that encouragment.

Be encouraged dear one,

I am seeking Jesus & His heart for me.



On my heart: Background

This past weekend I was able to visit a friend in Flint.

I can't tell you how nice it is to get away, even if away is only about an hour away.

This season of my life stresses me out,

mostly because I truthfully do not want to be in it.

I have a lot of freedom, in a way.

I am not totally tied down,

well other then having a job schedule to work around.

Yes, in a way that is nice.

But when one's deepest longing is to be tied down,

have roots of your own....

& it's not happening

that.is.stressful.

As I was walking around downtown Flint with my friend I felt at peace,

maybe it was due to expections for the rest of that day or the next.

Maybe my peace was due to doing what I wanted for then

& maybe (most likely) God had just given me that peace.

My almost two days in Flint had me thinking back to the month before when I had last visited.

I remembered my heart of discontentment,

I was bitter, angry...just a little bit.

That outer coating on my soul was so unhappy.

As I was driving, I knew my attitude had changed ever so slightly.

I felt more at peace then the last time.

A bit more content,

not totally ok or happy with all things in my life,

but more content.

My expectations from this weekend away weren't fully met,

but that is ok, things never work out that way.

Church Sunday morning was such a welcome change.
My friends church is quite different then mine,

& it pains me to say that I find my home church dull,

not totally lifeless,

but I don't feel like I fit there anymore.

Though my home church is very welcoming & friendly;

I feel my time there will soon be over.

I don't know when or where I will go after but I feel starved for more.

Starved for what I am not getting there.

My heart is in a state of unrest

{that is a story for another day, God is still working in me...}

As I was sitting in my friends church I felt so much peace,

the message spoke to my heart...

I was praying that God would use this message to help me make changes for good.

Once I came home I knew I would be challenged.

My mind was on the message, the thoughts of..

Am I just doing my duty?

Am I going above & beyond?

The gospel goes above & beyond what is simply needed.

Is sacrifical worship the state of my life?

Is it my true, deep down desire to know Jesus?

I know I am so plagued by guilt,

self-conciousness,

excuses,

planning,

&

pride.

I have so far to go,

so much to work on.

I forget so often that I don't have to do anything to recieve the love of Christ.

He died for me when I was still a sinner,

He loved me first.

Why do I think I have to do all these things to get the right

combination for things to just fall in place?

 

God is working on my heart,

teaching me about humility.

I was listening to Lecraes song "Background"

this morning & I listened to it several times,

aparently I was to work on humility today.

"I could play the background cuz I get in the way.

Let me fall back, not be the star

but stardust, leading to the Superstar."

So I guess that is my goal,

H.U.M.I.L.I.T.Y.

Jesus, may my heart be humbled.

Bowed down to You.

May I seek Your face,

create in me a broken & contrite spirit.

Oh let me run to You

& learn from You.

May I be gentle

& patient,

casting all anxiety,

consider others better then myself,

slander no one.

May I live peaceable

& be considerate,

self-controlled & alert.

Let me play the background....

& trust in You.

Funny

Tonight I had a 7yr old girl helping me fold laundry. She was making me laugh.
She said she had 5 crushes, Justin Beiber, Jonas Brothers and some other guy. This girl told me that it's hard have a boyfriend, the girls be always screaming when the baby comes.

She also told me I remind her of Ms. Beth, I told her I was Ms. Beth....she was blown away.

As we were putting the laundry away she saw a ceiling tile was gone, she asked what it was.
So many kids ask me that. I always tell them it is where all the bad kids get sucked up when they don't listen to their moms or when they are mean to their moms. They get sucked up to the 3rd floor where it's so magical it's like Disney. They get straightened out and get sent back. (After a few minutes I tell them I am joking so they aren't freaked out) this girl was trippin...she said she was all fearful, but we set things straight.

First Newborn Session

These photos are from my very first newborn session.

To see more check out my photo blog.

News!

 

For the last 10 or more summers I have been involved with a particular ministry, 

this summer that all changes.

This summer will be different then any other summer,

the schedule will be different.

My sister and I have felt led to go to South Africa for two weeks to work with Impact Africa.

My sister did a two month internship with this ministry last summer.

I would have loved to go for a longer time but due to scheduling we are only able to go for two weeks.

The last two summers my sister has come back from Africa changed. 

Telling many stories of what she had seen and what God had done in and through her.

I am so thrilled to be going to the same places where she has seen God work in mighty ways.

I am excited to be in a different ministry environment,

experience a different culture and be blown away for what God will do.

There is much to do before we head to South Africa,

thankfully I shouldn't have to get shots and I already have a passport!

Will you be willing to pray for my sister and I as we prepare for South Africa?

 

TO SOUTH AFRICA!

IMPACT AFRICA

JULY 28-AUGUST 12

-Shack to shack ministry

-Sharing the gospel in squatter camps

-Helping in a women's conference

PLEASE PRAY THAT:

-God would provide the financial needs in order to go to South Africa.

-Our hearts would be set on Jesus as we prepare to go. The point in going is to love on the people we meet, share who Jesus is with them and to show them the hope that Jesus brings. We desire to be prepared for what God has and not let our personal "ideas" or expectations get in the way of what God has planned.

-There might be others who would desire to go and serve as well.

-God would move in the hearts of the people we come in contact.

For more info about South Africa and what is going on within her heart, 

you can visit the blog of my sister here. 

On My Plate No. 007

Chicken Salad Wraps

Didn't stick much to the recipe,

used a lot of veggies,

whole wheat tortillas.

all the yummy veggies!

Tomato soup (from a can), pretty good!

Smoothies...banana, strawberry, milk, pineapple, yogurt.

My friend and I try to get together each week to cook/bake and chat.

Today we sat on the porch, so lovely sitting in the sun!

This fantastic creation is

Reese's Peanut Butter Bars,

Oh my lanta!!! so so so good!

The weather has been crazy beautiful for the last few days. 

today the temp came to 80!

Today was crazy, at work I was the night-shift manager, 

I am sort of in training even though I have been night-shift manager twice.

Today the phone would not stop ringing and it was so hot in the office.

Things went well regardless, glory!

God is good

& big

& He loves me!

That is all for now.

Alive & relevant

Throughout my day today I was listening to sermons from Mars Hill Church, the sermons were by Mark Driscoll & other pastors from that church. I use to do this often but I haven't done it recently. So in my attempts to get ready for the say and study for a Greek exam I listened to three or four sermsons, the following are notes I made with my additional comments:

fruit of the spirit...
love,
joy,
peace,
patience,
kindness,
goodness,
gentleness,
faithfulness,
self-control...
don't just do it, be it.

hypocrisy is walking away from Jesus, not running to him.
Walking through life you get "dirt" on your feet. {SINS}
Being a "christian hypocrite" happens...but not the way that the world thinks.
Because we are all humans, sinners save by grace, we do wrong.
When you become a christian it doesn't mean you become perfect, or that all of a sudden life just works out and you get everything you want.
What happens is this: a human, sinner by nature humbles themselves before God, admits his or her need and becomes forgiven...not perfect.

Dont live in fear of doing something wrong,
Live prayerfully that sin  is not terminal.
God is a loving gracious God, a forgiving God.

Lord, let my faith be bigger then my sin.
Let me return in midst if identity crisis.
Keep me in tact, let me return
May my sins not be terminal,
when I do wrong, may I run to You,
confess and ask forgiveness.


What is really awesome  is that these notes and some of what I have been going through lately came into play tonight during chapel at work (womens shelter). I was able to make comments in chapel and speak with a young mom who seems to have similar struggles, just like 2 Corinthians 1 says.

God is good!
I was so encouraged in chapel beacuse ladies were asking questions, making things come alive and relevant.