Friday, November 30, 2012

Fridays Letters

dear editing I.HAVE.FINISHED, for now, FINALLY. dear Christmas-time the season is coming too quickly, slow it down buddy. dear self can you please, please get it together? Enough already! dear Pinterest thank you for all the lovely inspiration, but I get so jealous as I see so many lovely things. dear dad thanks for staying up & letting me dump my thoughts out, sometimes we don't get along but I kind of like those late night chats where you just listen & add a few thoughts here & there. dear Jesus keep holding on to me please, bring me peace, clarity & surrender. dear blog friends stick with me, I have been scarce & I apologize, I'm hoping to start some new things in December....maybe. I've been busy & haven't felt like I have a whole lot to say right now. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

just observed on FB pics of people with their foodie groups doing cultured things, & cool young peeps going bowling, making hot chocolate.

Oh how I wish I had a group of friends to go do God-centered, cultured things with. Guys & girls... but alas I don't. I do however have a few great, close girlfriends & for that I am grateful.

What do I do on my Tuesday nights? work. watch kids & mamas.
ugh...maybe one of these days I'll have a life outside of work.

Monday, November 12, 2012

The whys & the inbetween

 God works in subtle obvious ways.
This may sound like an oxymoron,
but alas it is not...

I have been struggling greatly in my spiritual walk,
I've felt as though I have flat lined. I know the Bible is the truth & everything in it is true & right.
Yet, lately I'd just assume believe, live & walk out the lies Satan feeds me, like it is easier.
That was something I realized this morning before getting up, as I was laying in my bed.

I've noticed messages being repeated,
sermons or Bible studies all with common themes.
One week it's about the working of the Holy Spirit,
another week it's finding your purpose, another week it's letting go & accepting God's grace. This morning I was thinking about adventure...about how during the summer I was all about adventure & whatever will be will be. I long for adventure now, but I feel so weighed down by responsibilities & financial strain, not that those things weren't present during the summer because they were but I feel more worrisome now. I'm consumed with the "why" of things, knowing "why" in some circumstances is important but I realized knowing or figuring out the "why" isn't always necessary. If I strive for that, I'll never be satisfied because there will always be another "why" & I'll go nuts!
(Ooh I just looked up & saw all these "whys" & thinking man I'm like a 2yr old...)

My desire to know "why" is backed by fear, my fear of letting go. My mind & heart tell me that if I let go & surrender I'll be stuck doing the same thing over & over again. I'll just constantly be disappointed. I then  took that thought a little further & made the realization of.. I haven't surrendered, nor have I let go & I feel like I walk in constant guilt, fear, loneliness & disappointment, always feeling like I am stuck. (That is from not letting go & surrendering) So what are the chances that, if I let go & truly surrendered, I wouldn't be stuck & disappointed? Would I have freedom? Would I have peace? Would I see through the eyes of Jesus?
{On another ironic note, the last page I've written on in my journal, I wrote the lyrics "give my Your eyes so I can see what I keep missing, give me Your heart for the brokenhearted..." by Brandon main man} Maybe, just for the givin it up. Try it!...ooh gurl it's about to get real.

Apparently I did a lot of thinking today, because I was also pondering this question...
Why do you believe what you believe? My first answer was "I don't know" followed by "well no other belief or religion could spread so far & have such a great effect, in such a massive way, to such a massive amount of people if it were false. So it has to be true. No other god has had that effect on the world. If it is of men it would have failed, there would be so many inconsistencies but if it is/was of God it can't be stopped."  For me to have this debate within me might seem silly or childish, but believe me things have been real. I've been feeling "it"; discontentment, frustration, longing, failure, doubt, unbelief, cynicism, judgement, guilt, anger, loneliness, selfishness & pride.
Like I said earlier, I woke up this morning thinking.. "I'd just assume believe, live & walk out the lies Satan feeds me, like it is easier."  Over & over I hear messages of hope & Christs love, but those messages don't seem to penetrate to the heart. I read some verses in Ephesians this morning that were good & applicable to my current pondering.
Ephesians 5:4 "Let there be no filthiness, nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. I realized I can be so negative, when someone says "life is good!" I immediately think "uh are you kidding me?" which is stupid because honestly, I am blessed, God is good to me but because of my selfishness & pride I refuse to see the good. I thought I was that girl who was an optimist; you know, happy, pleasant, stable, balanced....{uh no dude, apparently I changed my mind & the cup is half gone. The half that is gone was the good stuff all that remains are tears...oh mother of pearl, I cry at the drop of a hat... it's embarrassing. I swear I'm not PMSing nor am I pregnant! for real though...}
The lies Satan feeds me are filthy, foolish & it effects me to have such a negative outlook. In the same chapter of Ephesians verses 6-16 say "Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 
Therefore do not become partners with them, for at one time you were in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light (for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true) and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 
For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.
But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 
for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, 
Awake, O sleeper, 
and arise from the dead 
and Christ will shine on you.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise. 
Making the best use of the time for the days are evil."

I have been so deceived by Satan's empty words, these lies that I believe need to be exposed. I need to live & walk in goodness & honesty. Oh how I want to walk in a wise way, in a way of peace & truth.
God has been bringing up these messages in subtle ways but I've noticed.
Oh Jesus, I want to be free!
Help me to let go, 
S U R R E N D E R,
& rest in the joy,
F R E E D O M 
& P E A C E
of Your presence.
Open my eyes to see how 
You see me, 
get rid of my 
discontentment, frustration, 
 failure, doubt, unbelief, 
cynicism, judgement, guilt, 
anger, loneliness, selfishness,
fear & pride.
Show me how to walk wise,
in goodness & honesty.
Help me to 
W A K E   U P!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Friday, November 9, 2012

Fridays Letters

dear election I am glad it is over. dear believers I found myself being very disappointed with yall during & after the election. Bashing & saying hateful things is completely unnecessary. I find it a tad amusing observing all the cries out to God since Tuesday. I believe they might have doubled or tripled beyond what I had observed before. Like we didn't need God before, but now that Obama will be President, again, everyone all of a sudden is freaked out. Seriously, a major part of the body of Christ has not acted accordingly. I don't say this to judge, I am guilty at times for saying things I shouldn't. Can we get it together & pray.
dear phone I was so excited to finally get a new one (no iphone, an andriod, this girl ain't got money for an iphone... i wish) can you please, please just let me activate you & not be so diffilcult. dear mess & chaos I'm so over it, why do I have so much junk? like for real....

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

oh, for the love! Why do we do this?

Ok for real, you crazy cray home-schooler alum and {fellow} believers out there who are full of cynicism, what is with you? Y'all make me want to curse! ( I can say home-schooler because I was schooled at home)

Romans 13:1-7 "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.6 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor."

"But let's also not use these verses as permission to vote for ungodly, bad leaders. That is never what God's will is. God created government the institution, but we are responsible for the quality of leadership. We are to be respectful, but not irresponsible."

My reasoning for posting this, is due to all of the bashing and hateful comments about our current leader I have seen in the last few hours. I don't agree with everything he stands for, but I also believe that saying hateful things is not the way to handle it. Prayer is.

Along with that, what kind of message does that send to our un-believing friends? That it's okay to act towards someone in a hateful and demeaning manner because we don't agree with them or their values? Not exactly what I would consider being a good witness.

We have the freedom to vote, as believers and followers of Christ it is our responsibility to look at what the candidates stand for and then prayerfully measure that with the truth of the Bible.

No matter the outcome of the election, God is in control and has a plan. (Jeremiah 29:11) Disrespecting the man God has put in authority of our country now, does not reflect Christ-like behavior; whether or not you agree with what they stand Christ-like is of the utmost importance.
Check yourself!

I came across this quote today & I really like it...

"I met those of our society who had votes in the ensuing election, and advised them:
1. To vote, without fee or reward, for the person they judged most worthy
2. To speak no evil of the person they voted against, and
3. To take care their spirits were not sharpened against those who voted on the other side."
- John Wesley, 1774

It seems Christians who have the stance that voting Republican ensures your salvation and voting Democrat makes one loose their salvation or that voting Democrat calls ones' salvation into question.
Last time I checked Acts 16:31 didn't say " believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thought shalt be saved and also always vote Republican or you are doomed to hell". 

In the last few hours I have seen sides of people that were not pretty. Do not get me wrong, I am guilty is many things.
Seeing so many negative comments about our president, seeing people bash him and say hateful things really bothers me. I do not agree with all that President Obama stands for but if I sit and complain and bash him that in no way is honoring to God.
I would be wasting my breath, because it honestly worth it to speak ill of our leaders?
In the morning will it matter what I said? Will it change the outcome? No, no it doesn't.
So instead of wasting our breath complaining and sinning use that breath to pray. I'm not talking the whole sarcastic attitude of doomed to failure, I'm talking get on your knees and pray-pray, it's way more effective!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Fridays Letters

dear editing ugh, can we just be done already! dear Awaken Conference I had a blast shooting &  the experience was great. dear emotions & such why must you be so crazy. dear over thinking, paranoid mind please just stop. dear G thanks for hanging with me on Halloween, even though our movie choices were odd. It was still great! dear A, D & J thanks for a fun night of food & games! dear Jesus speak to me, help me to accept your love & grace. I am desperate for You to work & move.