dawning java

{dawning java}

pretty much the morning coffee, first coffee of the day, virtual coffee.

I love what amy @ Lucky No.13 does on Tuesdays.

Virtual coffee, a time where she shares her heart or just what is going on in her life...

as though you are sitting down for coffee with her.

Now me being me, I love the idea but I don't want to steal her great idea,

so I came up with my twist.

So here it goes, installment #1 of "dawning java"

My coffee today was plan, folgers, coffee but since I can't handle plain, black coffee I always reach for creamer. My usual is Almond Joy, but today I opted for "fat free, skinny white chocolate mocha" and a drop or {three} of soy milk....

oh.my.lanta!!! 

That coffee was the BOMB!

Starts off the day right (wells sort of starts off)

[BTW...by the time I had my coffee today, I had already ben up for a couple of hours, been to the gym, started laundry &

started my breakfast of..

.:Baked oatmeal:.

This is the recipe I used, but I didn't have nuts so that didn't get it nor did I have chocolate chips.

Nuts aren't my fav, the only nut I might put in would be almonds. I also added apples, it was pretty tasty!]

Ok enough of getting side tracked...

If we were really having coffee I would probably tell you about my day, since I am writing this at almost 11PM this is what you get.

 I did some cleaning & took some photos.

Finally folded & put away clean laundry.

I have been trying some new things with photography.

on Saturday I took some photos in Flint

( & in my opinion)

I thought they were pretty snazzy!

I use my long lense,

look straight into the sun,

make sure the ISO is at lowest,

& the F/stop is like 1/22

& the shutter speed was 1/4000.

I think shooting the sky in these settings

 make it a tad more interesting.

I would probably tell you of my struggles

& ask what yours are.

What is God doing in your life?

I know God is teaching my about humility

& contentment...

Why is it when someone who struggles with those things,

especially in the area of contentment,

people always say..

"be content"

I want to raise my hand & sweetly say

"Um..excuse, that doesn't really help me.

Be content, how do you be content?"

I would love your thoughts on this.

I know contentment isn't being happy about everything,

sometimes I just really need that encouragment.

Be encouraged dear one,

I am seeking Jesus & His heart for me.



Honestly

I am about to break it down, no not dance {my only move is the sprinkler however that is for another day}.
A couple of days ago I posted about an upcoming fast that I am taking part in with my Bible study girls.  I know Biblical fasting is obstaining from food and devoting that time to prayer and seeking God intently.  I wanted to fast from something and do it right but I couldn't think of something that seemed just right.  With every idea that I had cam many excuses why it wouldn't work.  I think a lot of my problem has been discontentment.
 The last few days have been especially hard. Part of my goal for this year is to live with contentment in Jesus Christ. I have really sucked hard core at this the last few weeks. To be honest...

I am NOT content.

I am miserable.

I detest the season I am currently in.

I am angry.

I am irritable,

unhappy,

jealous.

I really believe that God is trying to get my attention, in the area of contentment and jealousy.  I keep hearing things that are happening to other people and it kills me inside because I want what they have. I want that good life, those magical moments...but it doesn't happen. I really don't know how to let go.  For awhile I think it's going well but really it's just a trick, momentary lapse of "control" and it's peaceful so I think I am content. AHHH Oh Jesus help me!

This photo perfectly describes what I feel.

As far as I can see it's just ocean, other then what I am standing on and what is behind me.

I think eventually there is something there maybe. 

I can't get there easily or quickly,

it will take forever.

Alone it is hopeless.

I need to be carried.

I need direction, otherwise I am heading backwards. 

The possibilities are beautiful,

exciting and scary.

No way am I stepping off into this abyss of unknown ahead of me,

not without some help,

guidance,

direction.

If I do....

I.will.sink.

It is foggy, 

I can't see whats ahead,

well after so far.

I am mad,

because I want to be there,

I want to go,

I want to make that step.

But it is like I am glued to where I am,

even though my soul is screaming to go,

dying,

longing to move...

but I can't.

I need a push....

Oh contentment where are you?

Peace, be in my soul.

Awaken me...

to rejoice always,

pray continually 

& give thanks in all circumstances!

Jesus be my guide, 

hold me close.

Open my eyes,

my heart,

my mind.

I want to seek You intently.

day #28

I love taking pictures at Christmas time, glitter, lights...

I didn't go to midnight mass Christmas Eve, my church service was longer then I anticipated. Christmas Eve was really good, played games, spent time with friends, went to church.

This season has given me so many ideas of what to do when/if I have a family someday. Ways to celebrate Advent, activities to do with the family, things to make/bake/cook...

The day after Christmas always seems to be such a shock. A good, solid month of thinking, prepping, shopping, baking... for only one day. When it is done, it is almost as it you say "well what now?" I find it very easy to slip into the mindset of looking foward to things so greatly that when they are over I feel so utterly disappointed. I try to be content with things & not place my expectations of things so high. This year wasn't my ideal, but a lot would have to happen for it to be.

{What the roads looked like...}

{What I wished that had looked like...}

Contentment

day #7

Contentment is something that so many people search for, full, wordly contentment, I believe, never happens. One can not be truely content without a functional relationship with Jesus Christ. I saw "functional" because anyone can know Jesus, or even have a relationship with Christ, but when one has a functional relationship with Christ there is fruit. I struggle with contentment, because when I think of that concept I think "contentment is being in a perfect state of happiness with all areas of your life." I am not in a perfect state of happiness with all areas of my life, I want any things to change. I am thankful for all the things God has given to me, but to be honest God has given me these dreams & desires, strong desires that have just not happened. I try to live by Gods word & truth & seek Him in all areas of my life, but I am a sinner. A redeemed sinner, saved by grace. A part of me wonders what God is waiting for? Is He waiting for me to content until He moves in those areas? Then I feel like giving up because I know I'll never be content, well on my own I won't be. My heart wonders what is true, Biblical contentment, here is what I found...

• Contentment grows out of humility & trust in God. -Psalm 131:1, NIV. "My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.



• Contentment grows out of devotion to Christ & eternal values. -Matthew 6:24, NIV. "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."



• Coveting is a barrier to contentment. -Exodus 20:17, NIV. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."



• Materialism is a barrier to contentment. -I Timothy 6:9, NIV. "People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction."

Lord, give me a heart at rest in You. May I be content in who I am in You & where You have me. I want to be content yet not be stagnant. May my heart be one of humility, bowing down before You. May I overflow with trust in You & devotion to You. May coveteousness & materialism be far from me. Fill me with thanksgiving & worhsip. I desire to live a life sold out to You, walking in humility & contentment.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. -Psalm 23