This is my where I've been...

Hello Friends,

I'm attempting to get back into a more steady stream of posts.

Life has been a overwhelming,

I feel as though I slept through the entire month of March.

Anyways, things have happened.....

I definetely have felt God's slow & steady working in my life,

which is refreshing & so long awaited.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast" - 1 Peter 5:10

 

These verses have been a comfort to me the past few months.

I had been going through some personal issues of pride, discontentment, doubt, unbelief & selfishness.

I felt as though I were being attacked at every turn,

for months I was in a very low point,

darkness & hopelessness flooded my soul.

Thoughts that had never crossed my mind had become so prevelant.

My mind, heart & soul fought against each other & fought against my  charecteristics & personalities.

One Saturday evening, my friends &

I went to a new church. While songs were being sung & worship was progressing. I looked to the screne & saw the above verse.

As I read those words, tears started rolling.

{Suffering, that was exactly what I had been feeling. Physical suffering, not so much. However I was at war within myself emotionally & mentally,

I was straight up believing the lies satan was drenching me with.

Crying was an hourly thing...

Some of this was due in part to that fact that my younger sister was leaving  to be in Africa for six months. She & I have always been really close & she had been there when this junk was going on. She understsood it somewhat & was there to give me a "Bible smackdown" when needed.

and then she left. I was alone. no one else got it like she did. Life because a theme of "holding in the tears of discontentment, anger, hopelessness in"}

slowly, very slowly the darkness grew smaller & smaller;

little situations happened. Providential conversations happened...

Over time I kept living, sometimes praying other times yelling at God out of confusion & anger.

suddenly I realized "I'm not who I was. I don't feel how I did."

The last few months have been some of the most diffilcult of my life,

my friends & sister prayed for me, kept telling me it wouldn't last forever.

I didn't believe them, all I wanted was a way out.

My mind would wander to dark places, thoughts that had never crossed my mind. I remember thinking "why bother having faith, nothing ever happens. God does not hear me. He does not care. I live in constent disappointment.I constently cry out & hear, feel or see no answer." I remember feeling so uncomfortable my friends or family would talke about "God working in their life" or when spiritual topics would arise. I felt like rolling my eyes & saying "whatever".

I can't say there was a defining moment in my life when things turned around but now I stand writing this with a totally different mindset.

I stand with a hope for what is to come, I'm a work in progres...

The whys & the inbetween

 God works in subtle obvious ways.
This may sound like an oxymoron,
but alas it is not...

I have been struggling greatly in my spiritual walk,
I've felt as though I have flat lined. I know the Bible is the truth & everything in it is true & right.
Yet, lately I'd just assume believe, live & walk out the lies Satan feeds me, like it is easier.
That was something I realized this morning before getting up, as I was laying in my bed.

I've noticed messages being repeated,
sermons or Bible studies all with common themes.
One week it's about the working of the Holy Spirit,
another week it's finding your purpose, another week it's letting go & accepting God's grace. This morning I was thinking about adventure...about how during the summer I was all about adventure & whatever will be will be. I long for adventure now, but I feel so weighed down by responsibilities & financial strain, not that those things weren't present during the summer because they were but I feel more worrisome now. I'm consumed with the "why" of things, knowing "why" in some circumstances is important but I realized knowing or figuring out the "why" isn't always necessary. If I strive for that, I'll never be satisfied because there will always be another "why" & I'll go nuts!
(Ooh I just looked up & saw all these "whys" & thinking man I'm like a 2yr old...)

My desire to know "why" is backed by fear, my fear of letting go. My mind & heart tell me that if I let go & surrender I'll be stuck doing the same thing over & over again. I'll just constantly be disappointed. I then  took that thought a little further & made the realization of.. I haven't surrendered, nor have I let go & I feel like I walk in constant guilt, fear, loneliness & disappointment, always feeling like I am stuck. (That is from not letting go & surrendering) So what are the chances that, if I let go & truly surrendered, I wouldn't be stuck & disappointed? Would I have freedom? Would I have peace? Would I see through the eyes of Jesus?
{On another ironic note, the last page I've written on in my journal, I wrote the lyrics "give my Your eyes so I can see what I keep missing, give me Your heart for the brokenhearted..." by Brandon Heath...my main man} Maybe, just maybe...now for the givin it up. Try it!...ooh gurl it's about to get real.

Apparently I did a lot of thinking today, because I was also pondering this question...
Why do you believe what you believe? My first answer was "I don't know" followed by "well no other belief or religion could spread so far & have such a great effect, in such a massive way, to such a massive amount of people if it were false. So it has to be true. No other god has had that effect on the world. If it is of men it would have failed, there would be so many inconsistencies but if it is/was of God it can't be stopped."  For me to have this debate within me might seem silly or childish, but believe me things have been real. I've been feeling "it"; discontentment, frustration, longing, failure, doubt, unbelief, cynicism, judgement, guilt, anger, loneliness, selfishness & pride.
Like I said earlier, I woke up this morning thinking.. "I'd just assume believe, live & walk out the lies Satan feeds me, like it is easier."  Over & over I hear messages of hope & Christs love, but those messages don't seem to penetrate to the heart. I read some verses in Ephesians this morning that were good & applicable to my current pondering.
Ephesians 5:4 "Let there be no filthiness, nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving."  I realized I can be so negative, when someone says "life is good!" I immediately think "uh are you kidding me?" which is stupid because honestly, I am blessed, God is good to me but because of my selfishness & pride I refuse to see the good. I thought I was that girl who was an optimist; you know, happy, pleasant, stable, balanced....{uh no dude, apparently I changed my mind & the cup is half gone. The half that is gone was the good stuff all that remains are tears...oh mother of pearl, I cry at the drop of a hat... it's embarrassing. I swear I'm not PMSing nor am I pregnant! for real though...}
The lies Satan feeds me are filthy, foolish & it effects me to have such a negative outlook. In the same chapter of Ephesians verses 6-16 say "Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 
Therefore do not become partners with them, for at one time you were in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light (for the fruit of the light is found in all that is good and right and true) and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 
For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.
But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 
for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, 
Awake, O sleeper, 
and arise from the dead 
and Christ will shine on you.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise. 
Making the best use of the time for the days are evil."

I have been so deceived by Satan's empty words, these lies that I believe need to be exposed. I need to live & walk in goodness & honesty. Oh how I want to walk in a wise way, in a way of peace & truth.
God has been bringing up these messages in subtle ways but I've noticed.

Oh Jesus, I want to be free!

Help me to let go, 

S U R R E N D E R,

& rest in the joy,

F R E E D O M 

& P E A C E

of Your presence.

Open my eyes to see how 

You see me, 

get rid of my 

discontentment, frustration, 

 failure, doubt, unbelief, 

cynicism, judgement, guilt, 

anger, loneliness, selfishness,

fear & pride.

Show me how to walk wise,

in goodness & honesty.

Help me to 

W A K E   U P!

oh, for the love! Why do we do this?

Ok for real, you crazy cray home-schooler alum and {fellow} believers out there who are full of cynicism, what is with you? Y'all make me want to curse! ( I can say home-schooler because I was schooled at home)

Romans 13:1-7 "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.6 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor."


"But let's also not use these verses as permission to vote for ungodly, bad leaders. That is never what God's will is. God created government the institution, but we are responsible for the quality of leadership. We are to be respectful, but not irresponsible."

My reasoning for posting this, is due to all of the bashing and hateful comments about our current leader I have seen in the last few hours. I don't agree with everything he stands for, but I also believe that saying hateful things is not the way to handle it. Prayer is.

Along with that, what kind of message does that send to our un-believing friends? That it's okay to act towards someone in a hateful and demeaning manner because we don't agree with them or their values? Not exactly what I would consider being a good witness.

We have the freedom to vote, as believers and followers of Christ it is our responsibility to look at what the candidates stand for and then prayerfully measure that with the truth of the Bible.


No matter the outcome of the election, God is in control and has a plan. (Jeremiah 29:11) Disrespecting the man God has put in authority of our country now, does not reflect Christ-like behavior; whether or not you agree with what they stand for....living Christ-like is of the utmost importance.
Check yourself!

I came across this quote today & I really like it...


"I met those of our society who had votes in the ensuing election, and advised them:
1. To vote, without fee or reward, for the person they judged most worthy
2. To speak no evil of the person they voted against, and
3. To take care their spirits were not sharpened against those who voted on the other side."
- John Wesley, 1774

It seems Christians who have the stance that voting Republican ensures your salvation and voting Democrat makes one loose their salvation or that voting Democrat calls ones' salvation into question.
Last time I checked Acts 16:31 didn't say " believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thought shalt be saved and also always vote Republican or you are doomed to hell". 

In the last few hours I have seen sides of people that were not pretty. Do not get me wrong, I am guilty is many things.
Seeing so many negative comments about our president, seeing people bash him and say hateful things really bothers me. I do not agree with all that President Obama stands for but if I sit and complain and bash him that in no way is honoring to God.
I would be wasting my breath, because really...is it honestly worth it to speak ill of our leaders?
In the morning will it matter what I said? Will it change the outcome? No, no it doesn't.
So instead of wasting our breath complaining and sinning use that breath to pray. I'm not talking the whole sarcastic attitude of doomed to failure, I'm talking get on your knees and pray-pray, it's way more effective!

a bit of a pouring | emotions & faith

Emotions and faith, do they go together? This is a question I am asking myself regularly, I struggle with this so often. I know the Word of God to be true, however I feel as though I am not seeing anything happen, no feelings of peace or guidance....nothing.
What I know as truth can't seem to be separated from my emotions. Apparently in my mind they exist simultaneously, one can't function without the other. My struggle here is this: I know God is at work (somewhere) but I don't feel it, see it or experience with my senses. 
If I were to rely on emotion alone I fear I would give up because I don't "feel" like anything is happening. If I were to rely on what I know (with no experience) I feel like I would be a cold, robotic, legalistic "Christian". Faith based solely on feelings seems selfish, that kind of faith is all about the experience.
My knowledge of the Bible and my faith in the "reality" (truth) of it as God's word keeps me from giving up and letting go due to the lack of me "seeing/feeling/sensing" the working and presence of God in my own life.
I believe emotions/feelings do play a part in faith. If emotions are removed from faith in Christ the experience is removed. The experience and movement of the Holy Spirit is what convicts and encourages change.
Relying solely on emotions takes the faith part out of being a follower of Christ.
Faith is belief that is not based on proof.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. ² This is what the ancients were commended for. ³ By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

I have faith that God is real, that His Word is true and good. I have faith and believe what the Bible says... why is it that I struggle so much with feeling like He is actually doing something? My pride and selfishness in wanting to see and do what I want rather then being still to be aware of what God has. I forget all that God has done, the times of unexplainable  peace in the midst of pain and heartbreak. The times where He has provided what I needed, the times of healing from brokenness and freedom from bondage. 

Martin Luther said... We must not judge by what we feel or by what we see before us. The Word must be followed, and we must firmly hold that these truths are to be believed, not experienced; for to believe is not to experience. Not indeed that what we believe is never to be experienced but that faith is to precede experience. And the Word must be believed even when we feel and experience what differs entirely from the Word.

I'll keep crying out to God, believing His word. That He is good and true. That He is working and has a plan; a plan that goes far beyond what I can ask or imagine. I've been reminded of this several times in the last few days, in conversations with friends and family, from lyrics of a song and sweet truths in God's word.

struggles, ain't no body got time for that...

self consciousness.
judgement.
insecurity.
guilt.

I consistently feel these upon my soul.
like arrows being shot at me.
Yesterday afternoon, I went out with some friends for Autumn photo capturing.
However, unlike most other times I was not the picture taker (for the most part)
I was the subject {we were all suppose to get all dolled up but not all of us did}
When I am behind the camera I have confidence, I am not the very best there ever was..
but I know what I am doing.
I can't pose myself, because I can't see myself to pose myself.
....honestly getting my photo taking is possibly the. most. awkward. thing for me....ever.

Insecurity is something I have always struggled with.
How I look is important to me,
sometimes I can be pretty vain & conceited about how I look.
Which doesn't seem to go with the insecurity & self-conscious view of myself.
Pride  is the root of all sin, so in feeling this way I am sinning.
I was asking Jesus yesterday to "hammar" this awful self image to the ground
(no, I didn't spell that wrong, if you don't think it's funny it is because  you don't know my last name...)

When I feel like this, many times the answer I get from others is this...
"you have to just see yourself how God see's you"
 uhh...ok awesome. but HOW?!?!?!?!?!??
I don't know if this is just me but answers like that are as useful to me as American money in Paris.
{I can say that because I've been there & experienced it.}
A constant struggle in my faith is having it.
Taking the head knowledge to heart knowledge.
I believe the Bible is the inspired, true, Word of God.
I know it. I won't deny it,
feeling it & living it is where my problem comes in.
 [i'm getting down to the nitty-gritty now... lol]

this is my daily struggle.
believing God is for real @ work in my life & has a plan.
I know it, but I don't always believe it.
AHHHHHHHHH!
I'm praying for a hunger to overtake me. I'm praying that I won't be blinded but that my heart & eyes would be open to see the good & the ways God is moving.

_______________________

rain. rain. rain. all day, it is the cause for canceled photo sessions. One today & one tomorrow.
it was a good day. I completed photos for a client! {2 more to go as of now}
I had NO. zero plans today after the photo shoot was rescheduled. drank a lot of coffee &
for once I didn't spill coffee. however, today I did not go to the gym. but instead got dressed, rather cute to go to Best Buy & Family Video. I think I had intentions of going elsewhere but decided if I were to go elsewhere (namely Target) I would spend $$ on the non-important.
so after returning home with several movies. I started editing & watching movies & drinking coffee.

good stuff. I'm thankful for today, a day to catch up & relax.


*this post seems incomplete & wierd, I apologize, I feel that is all though.
(coming soon...thoughts well written on this)

Fridays Letters

dear slow work week you were a welcome break. 

dear starbucks I've made two visits this week, very nice indeed. 

dear editing I feel like I am finally making progress.

dear Jesus I am still in desperate need of wisdom & guidance.

Information came this week that was discouraging, I feel like I am back at square one again.

dear Lecrae/Trip Lee/KB/Andy Mineo I'm so excited about the concert tomorrow!

What now?

Today has been one of those days...
not an awful day, but I've felt...
frazzled
fearful
worried
stressed
confused.

This morning I woke up & got up early (early being 7:20am)
The sky was pink, orange & blue,
I grabbed my camera & headed outside,
but of course there is no good place in my yard to take a picture of that part of the sky.
Going back inside I felt failure...isn't that silly?
How is it my fault there are trees all over.
I guess I was feeling LAME today.

Then little, unexpected things happened.

Tonight I recieved some information that frustrated me & caused anxiousness.

I'm looking at the possibility of going to a missions school (YWAM) discipleship program for Creative Arts,

it is in Australia and starts in July (2013). I had gotten info about it and have been thinking that I would need around $7,000 tonight the email I recieved said that the figure I was given before was only for the first segment of it and the outreach segment would be another $2,500-$5,000 more.

[ jaw dropped ]

here I was still worried over the possibility of raising $7,000

& not sure about it when the total just about doubles!
This worries me because right now my sister is findraising so she can go to a
YWAM school in Rwanda,
so she is pulling from our local resources,
& my parents are in ministry so they raise support too.
My limited mind can't comprehend where another $12,000 more will come from.

I felt a little unsure before, going back & forth, battling with fears
& now...I feel like I have to do something,

I know that if God wants me to do this $12,000 is nothing for Him.

Pray with me on this,

I am need of some encouragement,

prayer,

Holy Spirit power,

resources,

connections!

God I really want to trust You completely.
Give me peace,
guide me to do the right thing.
I know You are a BIG God who does BIG things.
God I am asking for BIG things,
open the doors You want me walking through
& close the ones you don't want me going through.
Give me peace
& favor!
May I live & walk in Your love & grace!

Part of letting go...

You'll have to excuse me, I am about to do something I have never done before;

but maybe it's necessary every now and then, to let go & try not to control everything. 

 

Lately I feel like everything has been crazy busy,

I've been running here & there,

editing like a mad women!

As of last week I had five shoots to edit

& added another Saturday.

I've made progress on that...

Once I finished one, two others were completed.

I love photography,

but I hate the stress of deadlines;

especially when people keep bothering me about it.

As much as I would love it,

photography is not my main job

& I only have so much time.

Before going to South Africa

& since coming back I have been under a lot of pressure.

Some of it is brought upon by my own doing

& the expectations I seem to have for myself.

Which makes that pressure totally unnessessary.

 

 

When one puts so much expectation on oneself,

guilt is inevitable.

I need to practice being more of a "Mary" then a "Martha"

(Luke 10:38-42)

{I've been listening to a sermon series on the book of Luke,  by Mark Driscoll} 

Martha is a doer, a full schedule, active, planner, Type A, task orientated, all about the presents for Jesus rather then Mary who is concerned with the presence of Jesus.

Mary is contemplative, word based, Type B, relational, full heart.

Don't get me wrong, the Bible says "...but be ye doers of the Word not hearers only."

so there is something to be said about accomplishing things,

but when you run & run & run for God but never have time with the Lord,

you might as well be a hearer only & you (I am included) decieve yourself.

This has been something God has been teaching me for some time!

Since returning from Africa God has been pointing things out in my life that He is working on. For awhile I was so focused on "these things I have to work on" but as I was talking with a friend, I felt discouraged, my friend suggested that I look at it as things God is developing in me. God has been developing a lot, it's rough!

If you try to be both a "Mary" & "Martha" you are exhausted, a "Martha's" day begins early in the morning & goes until sundown, trying to squeeze a "Mary" moment (prayerful time with the Lord) it's not worth anything.

Lord, give me a "Mary's heart" & "Martha's hands",

help me to let go of the unimportant & get my priorities in order.

 

I've also been reading (yes, reading! btw if you didn't know, I rarely read anything but the Bible. Not that nothing else is worth reading, I just don't have time.)I

've been reading "Radical" by David Platt,

if you haven't read it, go find it and read it.

This book will wreck your life & your view of "the church".

But I'll get into that & what it says at a later time...

but seriously, go read it!

____________

 

One thing I have made time for, other then editing, is cooking/baking with my dear friend Heather.

She was in Mozambique all summer so our days of cooking & baking took a 3 month sabatical.

Since she came back we have had 3 days together of baking & cooking gooness.

We've made Blueberry cupcakes with lemond curd,

pumpkin cinnamon rolls, lettuce wraps. We tried making a spinach/tomato orzo soup, it was more like an orzo dish with no broth...oops!

 

This week we made baked apples with an oatmeal, struesel topping.

&

Spinach/feta bake.

_______

 

| BAKED APPLES |

 

The baked apples were so easy.

This is how it goes...

Large Apples  (I used Gala appples)

*We cut the apples in half & used a small ice cream scoop to take out the core/stem & make a "bowl" for the topping to go in.

*for the topping I mixed butter, oatmeal, cinnamon, nutmeg, brown sugar, ginger & all spice together. (I didn't have quite enough butter so I added some EVOO)

I used the small ice cream scoop to scoop the topping onto the apples,

then baked them @ 350 for about 35 min.

 

They came out so great! Tastes like apple crisp, with more apple. 

 

| Spinach & Feta Bake | 

 

This was so good!

 

1st step: Lightly coat a 9-inch pie plate with cooking spray.

2nd step: In medium sauce pan cook onion & garlic in hot oil until onion is tender.

 3rd step: combine 1 cup cottage cheese, 1 cup crumbled feta, 1 egg in a bowl & mix it all together.

4th step: combined cooked onions to the mixture of cottage cheese, feta & egg.

5th step: cook spinach in light oil and garlic (we used about12-18 oz of fresh spinach)

6th step: when spinach is cooked combine with the cottage cheese, feta, egg & onion mixture. Mix together & put in 9-inch pie plate.

7th step: mix bread crumbs and parmesan cheese together & sprinkle on top.

8th step: bake @ 350 for 30-35 min.

Makes about 6 servings.

 

I am not usually a leftovers fan, but for this I was!

Enjoy.

 

__________

 

*By the way, the thing I did that I have never done before is...

posting photos without editing them.

The photos in the post are 100% unedited, straight from the camera.

(That is so scary to me...)

Honestly, the photos look good {breathe} part of letting go....

On the eve of 24...

I'm taking a tiny break from posting about Africa 

to write something personal about life lately.(I have at least one more installment to come)

Today is the eve of my 24th birthday.... I know 24 really isn't that old, & most of the time I feel like I am still 17. My expectations of what will happen each year are always great, what I think will happen never usually does yet each year I am learning more and more.
This year I decided my theme verse would be 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 "rejoice always; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." I haven't been doing so great at rejoicing or praying always or giving thanks in all things.
My prayer for the next year of life is to rejoice, to pray always and to give thanks.
Maybe instead of having so many expectations I'll just go with the flow, doing whatever God puts in my heart to do. There are a lot of things I would like to do, but if in a year I can look back and say "yes I rejoiced and prayed and gave thanks" it will be worth it.

The past year has been so much of something... frustrations, surprises, joys, good memories, growth, revelations. I hope this next year there is way more growth - in faith and trust in the Lord. I want a deeper relationship with Jesus. I am seeing so much how important relationships are, it is so hard for me to be relational. (that shows my selfishness and pride) I so desperately want that to be pruned from these branches!
In the midst of all this I know God is good and He has a plan for me. Oh that I would let go, that the wall of selfishness, vanity, pride be broken down. May Gods love and peace reign in my heart and life!

At the end of 2011/beginning of 2012 I made the following list, as for how I am doing with it well....

A. A little spontanaity
I think I have done better at this, if spontanaity and crazy are the same thing. lol
I did go to Paris...like out into Paris on the way to Africa.
B. Be content
at times, at times I feel content. 
C. Creativity. Do crafty/creative things each week.
Eh, so so. I haven't had a lot of time the last few months. I did mod podge maps on to journal books!
D. Do Something Cool
Went to Africa=WAY COOL; Went to Paris=ALSO WAY COOL; went on a safari= SUPER COOL; went hiking up a hill to a waterfall=REALLY COOL
E. "Era" photo shoot
Haven't done this yet.
F. Food, try new recipes & photograph & write them down.
Tried a lot of new ones thanks to cooking/baking days with Heather.
G. Greek. Be able to read Scripture passaged in Greek & translate into English by Christmas of 2012.
OOOH I better start working on this!
H. Have fun.
eh so so
I. Increase skills in photography by researching & trying new things.
New camera has helped this!
J. Jesus time, more often. Be more intentional and carry it out.
Really need to work harder at this.
K. Knit more, create more things.
Yeah that dream went out the window.
L. Live by 1 Thes. 5:16-18.. Rejoice always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances.
Did ok at the beginning of the year (like basically January) but haven't done so hot lately.
M. Make memories.
YES...AFRICA counts as a ton of really really great memories!!!
O. Open a can.....
oh whoop .... (lol) idk or one of worms... eh hope not... [I have no idea what I meant by this]
P. Productive & positive yet restful & relaxed. Live with balance.
eh maybe? most of the time.
Q. Quit making excuses for everything!
no comment...anything I think of to write here sounds like an excuse (like what I just wrote) so apparently I need to keep working on this.
R. Run more. Be more of a runner on 12/31/12 then I am now.
I'm no Marion Jones but..... I'm definitely more of a runner now then I was in Dec of '12...
S. Save money by staying away from "just because" trips to...Target/Biggby?hobby Lobby
The last two weeks have been ok!

T. Take a lot of pictures.

1,800 in Africa alone, I have been taking a lot of pictures! Plus 2 weddings, and some other stuff..

This is Africa | Week 2

Sunday - 5 August 2012

Sunday was a bittersweet day, my sister and I would be heading over to Baptist camp to stay with a group that was coming in from Texas. Sunday morning we went to church at GodFirstCity, it was amazing! That perticular day they had a guest worship leader, she was from Cape Town and was also the captain of the womens Springbucks Team for South Africa.

I would honestly compare her to Kari Jobe! The church was awesome, people of different languages, cultures, countries, backgrounds. I felt like this is what a church should be. God1stCity meets in a nightclub/restaurant every week. As we were singing I was filled with emotion, I knew we were at the middle point of our time in Africa and only had a week left. At that point I had no desire to go home.

View from where we stayed.

My sister and I were dropped off by Rich Franzen and Micah, they helped us bring things in, showed us around and left us to organize some stuff while they went to retrieve the team who was to arrive that night.

 Joanna and I got our room set up, organized the Impact Africa merch, got the kitchen in order, washed our jeans in the sink and hung them to dry outside, got dinner ready and waited for the team.

At least our pants had a view while they dried. It took a long time for them to dry because it wasn't very warm

and the wind was cold.

While we waited Richs wife and three kids came by and we chatted with them for awhile.

I just loved getting to know them, I had read about them and heard about them from my sister. But to talk to Michelle and the kids was great because I saw the passion they have and heard what God had done to get them where they are today.

City view from where we stayed.

Bokeh lighting from the view.

The team arrived, brought in all of their luggage and we all ate. It was a little awkward, new people not sure what to say...by evening we had gotten more and more comfortable with the team
It's because of the game "Mafia" (seriously this group LOVES this game)
I had played before at church and with the interns the week before, but the TX team plays it slightly different and it was great!
We honestly played this game almost every night, several times!
It was like this game was our life outside of ministry. When we weren't talking about ministry we were talking about Mafia, but it was so much fun!

Monday - 6 August 2012

Our ministry started with two days in Diepsloot, Monday morning we started with training which I was so grateful for.

This new way of doing ministry felt so vast. I was so familiar with one certain way of doing ministry that I felt really overqualified in one area but completely underqualified to do what was being explained.

As we set out for ministry I was a "leader" of a group, I was totally unsure about what to do.

My team was fantastic and just jumped right in.

They looked to me for a bit of guidance and direction and I helped where I could,

but I also made sure to tell them this was all new to me too and I was learning right along with them

"River" in Diepsloot, the smell was so pungent and awful.
Garbage is just left and the "water" running through the sqautter camps is not clear nor is is cloudy,
it is gray and smells awful and filled with bacteria and disease.
Thankfully there are water pumps through out the camps so those who live in the squatter
 camps can have access to clean water.

After our afternoon in Diepsloot we headed back to Impact Kids to head back to Baptist Camp for dinner. After eating dinner we sorted through supplies the team brought for the womens conference.

We put together 300+ welcome bags and 300+ gift bags and 50ish door prizes with a lot of times going back to take something out or put something in or recheck.
However after about 3 hours our team of 18 had it completely finished.
So what did we do?
Play Mafia of course!

On Monday as I prepared to go to bed I was journaling and talking with my sister. I shared how I felt so flatline. My emotions weren't what I thought they would be. I didn't feel like I had a story to share nor did I feel wise enough to share. I know the Bible but I don't KNOW the Bible...
I've memorized verses and have a lot of head knowledge, the translators we worked with KNOW the Bible so well, verses & references and I was feeling so illequipped.  

Tuesday - 7 August 2012

2nd day ministry group.
Me, Bethany, LaNell and Michelle Franzen with two women we ministered to and a translator.
The two women (the ones wrapped in blankets) both made a decision to make Jesus King of their life.

As we were talking to the two ladies above there were several others that joined in. Michelle was awesome at conversing, I was still feeling way out of my element but with every conversation God was giving me more and more confidence.
This type of ministry is all about building relationships and I struggle so much with being relational.


This little girl found me my very first day in Diepsloot (and first day in Africa). She stayed with my group again the two days we were in Diepsloot. She loved being held and singing songs.





Impact Kids school in Diepsloot.
oh also while were in Diepsloot on this day, there was snow coming from the sky! I kid you not, winter in South Africa = cold.
However they haven't had snow for 20 years.
The kids were so excited!
As was Micah, he had been praying for it.

After ministry in Diepsloot back to Baptist camp we went for dinner and... MAFIA.



Wednesday - 8 August 2012

Impact Kids school in Kya Sands













To Kya Sands we go!


Wednesday was our first day in Kya Sands. Our ministry destination for that day was the other side of the river of Kya.
So cross it we must, I was a little nervouse about this because we are warned to not go into the water, you could grow a limb.
Also last summer as my sister was crossing she fell in.
However our whole group was successful and no one fell in; the guys were awesome in helping us females across.
Our ministry group this day was great, we started talking to one guy about the gospel and stayed there for quit awhile.


Karen (in the Arkansas sweatshirt) was so funny, you could hear her saying "mmmmhmmm" or "ok" all over.
She was getting in on what these two ladies were doing.
Seriously Karen could be in a Madea movie she is that kind of funny!


As Timmy (in blue) and Zach (in green and red) talking to some guys.
In the morning my group was in this spot talking to some guys,
we had intern Sarah with us but the whole time we were talking to them I felt as though they were mocking us.
Mostly everyone we talked to was open and wanting us to talk to them but we did find some people who were uninterested.



Zach using our Bibles to explain how there is a gap between us and God.

Timmy, Karen, Timba (translator) and Carrie warming themselves by the fire.
Behind them are the port-a- potties, behind those we saw big rats.
Timba says the rats are so big they chase the cats. He says the cats don't even try to eat the rats, they just lean up againts a wall and watch and eat cornflakes. (I'm sure some of the story is made up lol )




Kids at Impact Kids eating snack.


As we were walking through the alleys of Kya sands we came across this little girl.
I think she was scared stiff, she stood in that same spot for about 20 minutes. I watched her and tried to play with her,
she cried a bit then stopped but started up again later.
We wondered if maybe she hadn't ever seen a white person before.


Thursday - 9 August 2012


On the way to discipleship groups we found these kids at a daycare in the squatter camp.
We had to drop some things off for them and we stopped to play for a few minutes.

 
Crossing the bridge, it was made of wood and tin and a bit scary to cross.

Thursday we had a short morning of ministry before lunch and disicpleship groups.

Denis (translator) reading from his Bible in discipleship group.

Discipleship groups are so cool because through ministry in Kya Sands there are people who have believed on Jesus.

So the interns and translators go in and do discipleship groups. When we were there they were going through the book of Acts. This particular day whatever was said was translated in three different languages.

This was such a neat experience to see the interest and passion for Gods word. 

The discipleship groups meet outside or in a shack or an open space. 

The space we were here was an open shack "porch"we used buckets or cement blocks to sit on, really whatever we could find. 

As I think about this now these discipleship groups remind of what the church is suppose to be. 

I am currently reading the book "Radical" by David Platt and in the book it talks about churches, how we "have" so many things that we "need" for church.

Here, in these groups they only need the Bible, I am sure even if there were no translators God would make a way for everyone to understand.

After a morning of ministry and afternoon discipleship groups we walked back, freshened up and headed to Moyo in downtown Johanesburg.

All the girls.

The guys.

Joanna and I at Moyo after getting our faces painted.

The whole group.

the Bethany's

Moyo is an authentic African restaurant, but its very ritzy.

So beautifully designed and stylish. There was great music and good food, I had flamed fillet (steak).

So good!

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Post about Womens conference & kids camp as well as last day coming up!