My Hope.

I read this verse last night,

spoke to me.

Sums up what I have been feeling.

This morning on the way to the gym I was listening to Sanctus Real (Pieces of a Broken Heart), I have been listening to the song consistently in the car for the last week.

The songs become so familiar because I tend to listen to a CD over & over & over but many times as I am listening, something new pops out to me....

all of sudden BANG!

some new thought, this is what stuck with me this morning.

Update.

Update, Update...I have been so bad about posting lately.

My intentions are to post at least every other day, however when I sit down to write, I have nothing to say.

Here is what I have been up to the last sever days:

Are these shoes not lovely?

Yes, well I baughts them from Payless a few years ago and wore them maybe once or twice.

They were maybe $3 (which is why I got them).

I have been a really into cleaning & cleansing this week,

getting rid of stuff makes me happy.

I found these shoes & was about to give them to my sister when I put them on

& thought "what if I took the flowers off?"

So I did &

Ta-da!

I like them so much more now!

Now..when to wear them.

{Too bad my work uniform is grey & red}



Grey infinity scarf.
{Headband: @ Target}



WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!

I made that grey scarf.

I have finished knitting two three things this year!

{crocheting is another story...}

On Thursday night my Bible study group got together for mediteranean food, World Market & Fro-Yo.

I am so thankful for the friends God has put in my life,

He has given me some really great, godly, young ladies.

On Friday night I got together with some friends for soup & a movie.

My friend had gotten some Chai Coloa at World Market the night before.

I had never heard of this before but we all tasted it & decided it would be perfect for a float.

{BTW if you don't know what World Market is I am sorry!

Basically it is a store with items from all over the world:

 home wares, art, furniture, jewelry, food, coffee, tea....it is fabulous!}

Oh, one more thing,

almost two weeks ago my best friend & her husband welcomed their first child to this world

& I get to be "Honorary Aunt Beffy"

Sooo Introducing this little guy:

my "honorary nephew"

MICAIAH

He is so beautiful,

& he makes the greatest faces

& I love him.

[btw I apologize for the quality of the photos, only camera phone photos today]

Humility 2

I can't seem to keep myself together lately...
or maybe it's just more of that humility medicine.
When I came home tonight I put on PJs and was being silly.
Again my attitude was that of "I'm so cool & so darn amusing"
then I was told my pj pants were on backwards...
how does that happen when one is dressing in a well lit room and has their contacts in?
Please tell me how?

{ones mind has been elsewhere....ALL WEEK}

Humility.

I am seeing ways that God is humbling me.

When my attitude is a little to cocky & "me centered" little inconvenient things happen.

Such as:

Walking out of the gym feeling really good about myself, thinking

"yeah I am A.W.E.S.O.M.E, cuz I work out!"

&

dropping my water bottle in the gym parking lot & having to chase it for a couple minutes...while.people.are.watching. [Yeah you are soooo awesome now!]

OR

Sitting at the Crepe Company in Flint chatting with my friend & drinking hot tea thinking:

"I am so C.L.A.S.S.Y...& soooooo cool"

&

spilling hot tea down my shirt & onto my pants {so looked like I had an accident}

btw..how did I not feel the HOT tea spilling on me? [Yes, true class madam, true class!]

I don't know if these mishaps were really God humbling me or if they were just two incidents that were unrelated. I do know that my attitude both times was full of self-confidence & cockiness.

Oh Jesus, lover of my soul.

Deliver me...

Keep my heart bowed down to You;

in big things & in small ways of obedience.

No fear.

I found this on a Facebook friends page, so true...

{A life of fear is not what I have called you to. Insecurities were never meant to be your best friend. Worry should never trap you in a love/hate relationship. You ask "Who's going to take care of me?" ME! I am. I'm your Father. I know your needs along with your desires. You're not an inconvenience to me!-God}

It has been crazy at work.
My weekend away was so nice, but I can tall it is definitely over.
I wish I could do those things here, or go back easier.
Over the weekend my mind grasped an idea and ran with it.
I don't know if it is just me or if it was prompted by the Lord.
Those things I don't always know.
I am a bit freaked out by it.... my mind is a crazy thing.
In some ways I can't trust my ideas and my heart.
I am praying for peace of mind & a heart to follow God.
Good, honest, godly motives & intentions.
Focus that is on Jesus & how to further His Kingdom.
Wisdom to know when God is moving,
& when He is trying to get my attention.

Perception.

My weekend was good. I was able to go visit my friend
{she only lives like maybe an hour away, but visits seem hard to fit in...I need to work on that}
Getting away was nice.
A change of pace was something I so desperately needed.
Experiencing something different was so A.W.E.S.O.M.E!
My friend lives in Flint and goes to an intercity church, she has told me so much about it.
Finally I was able to go with her. It was different, it met in a bar, there was no music and the sermon was probably 90 minutes long.....but I.LOVED.IT.
The pastor was great, has such a heart for the Lord and the furtherment of the Kingdom.
With each new day I have come to realize that my perception of things is so wierd.
I asked my friend what I should wear to her church
{at my church I usually dress up skirt or dress pants, that is the way it has always been.}
She told me whatever, jeans and a nice top. I was discussing this with my mom and she made a statement that really made me think.
She said "I wonder when dressing up became the norm for church? In Bible times Christiatns were at 'church' everyday, they probably just wore normal clothes. I bet it started when people went to church for show rather then to worship God"
......WOW! Yeah that makes sense, since when did going to church mean we had to wear our very best. Who are we trying to fool? I think I put more effort into figuring out what I wear to church then what my heart is like.

When my friend told me that this church didn't do music, I thought that was so strange. I thought "no music, no worship time? Wierd". She explained to me that they didn't have anyone at the moment who could fully commit to do music with excellence. I went in thinking it might be a tad strange but I left feeling refreshed and wanting more.
Since when did "worship Jesus/worship time" mean just music, sing a modern "worship" song or a hymn and it will get you in the mood....that is the only way to worship.
Wow how misguided. How many churches are missing so many opportunities because they focus on just music and what they consider "worship" time. It reminds me of a book I have that was written by David Crowder. It's called "Praise Habit" the basic jist of the book is talking about forming a habit or life of praise and worship. Taking  our worship to Jesus out of just a 20-30 minute music time at church, or a few minutes of a new Hillsong song.

I love music.
Music draws me to the Lord in a way that nothing else can, it effects me and brings me to a stronger belief and faith in God.
but is that really ok?
To a certain extent it is, but I have been thinking....
If my worship to God is dependant on music (a certain kind of music or a certain song) what would I do if it was taken away or destroyed? What would I do if I couldn't hear anymore? Or if I couldn't see? Or read?
Would I cease to worship my God?
Where is my treasure?
Where is my heart?
{This is was the sermon was on, where your treasures lie}

My heart is full! My best friend and her husband welcomed their baby boy into the world on Thursday. I just had the privilege to visit them and hold baby Micaiah. He is so beautiful!
*Sigh*

Now I am off to visit a friend for the weekend!

BABY!

So excited! I heard a few moments ago that my best friend had her baby!
Her husband called me and left a message. The babies name is "Michaiah" it means "who is like God?"
I can't wait to see her and the baby!

On My Plate No.004

Find recipe here

Find recipe here

On My Plate No. 003

Another late one, 

February 10, 2012

Lasagna cups

Cinnamon Roll cake

On My Plate No.002

This is late but better late then never! ;)

February 4, 2012

A couple weeks ago, several of my friends and I got together to make sushi!

*  *  *  *

Two of my very best friends.

(Heather & Gina)

Tonight.

On Wednesday nights I co-lead youth group with my married friends Grace & Geno.
The group ranges from 11-23 plus us three leaders. Every week our group does prayer requests and we all pray. Every other week we do a Bible study where we split into two groups, guys & girls.
Tonight was a little crazy, a lot more people there then normal.
My friend Grace is over due and people think its funny (when I get there and she is not) to try to convince me that she had her baby. Her husband is unrelenting about this, for as long as I have known him he likes to play tricks on me. Tonight the whole room of people tried to get me to believe him. I did not fall for it {I've learned his tricks}. I know she will call me and tell me, she would not let me find out from everyone else.
After that they were doing prayer requests and it was mentioned that my friend Amanda is now engaged (the one whose engagement was announced Sunday morning) there were three girls who did not believe that she was, they kept saying "you're joking"...
The youngest of the three was sitting by me asking me a lot of questions. She asked how old I was and she was like "wait you're not engaged?" then she asked when I was getting engaged to this one kid (who is like 5 or 6 years younger then me) she preceded to suggest guys in the room that I could go out with...all of whom were younger then me... [rolling eyes].
The rest of the time she would make comments, like "I thought you would be the next one to get married"
Oh gosh it's like injury to insult, salt to the wound....
Leave it to an 11 year old girl to make you feel kinda crappy...  It's like thanks young lady, you don't think I know that a girl who is 4 years younger then me is getting married?
 and to a guy that I use to like, 3-4yrs ago, however I am totally ok with that. I am NOT hanging on to that still, honestly!
Thank goodness for the eye roll. :)
and Jesus.
and the ability to ignore.
and change of subjects.
and that I can laugh about it.
and Jesus.
and friends.
and Jesus!

Recent Photo Shoot

K. Scott (a.k.a. Desmond LeVox)

A Michigan local, new, Christian artist.

The story of how this shoot came to be is pretty awesome!

Last October I attended a Brandon Heath/Britt Nicole concert (click here to see the concert photos).

A local radio station had a contest to win breakfast with Brandon & Britt. 

My best friend and I had a joke about Brandon Heath,

I convinced her to enter and we waited.

Long story short she was one of the winners and I got to go with her.

So we went to the breakfast with them....

we also ended up going to the sound check session and 

were able to sit in the front row, of course I had my camera.

I took so many photos, edited and posted them on Facebook 

(including the Brandon Heath & Britt Nicole pages).

Through those photos people added me as friends on FB.

Including K. Scott.

He added me, 

messaged about about how he saw my photos and liked them.

He had been at the concert as well.

He then asked me about scheduling a photo shoot.

Shoot scheduled and re-scheduled 

finally it was done.

So check the photos out! :)

1 John 5:2

 Ἐν (by) τούτῳ (this) γινώσκομεν (we know) ὅτι (that) ἀγαπῶμεν (we love) τὰ τέκνα (the children) τοῦ Θεοῦ,(of the God) ὅταν (when) τὸν Θεὸν (the God) ἀγαπῶμεν, (we love) καὶ (and) τὰς ἐντολὰς (the commandments ) αὐτοῦ (of Him) τηρῶμεν. (we observe)


Translation: By this we know that we love the children of God when we love and observe the commandments of God.

T

οὗτος houtos

we knowg1097

γινώσκω ginōskō

that we loveg25

ἀγαπάω agapaō

the childreng5043

τέκνον teknon

of God,g2316

θεός theos

when g3752

ὅταν hotan

we loveg25

ἀγαπάω agapaō

God g2316

θεός theos

and observeg4160

ποιέω poieō

His commandments.g1785

Valentines thoughts.

Valentines Day... usually I cry at least once. feel sorry for myself. become mad or angry. day dream myself silly. I have to say, today has been one of the best Valentines Days ever! Before you get all excited...
{CHILL}
Today was a normal, but it was good in the fact that...
I. WAS. NOT. SO. STINKING. EMOTIONAL. 
like I had been ALL last week & ALL weekend.
GLORY!
Honestly it was nice, I got up went to the gym, came home took a shower, got dressed, puttered around read my Bible (not as much as I intended) watched a movie while editing, did a tad of baking, then went to work. Even work has been pretty good.
I am so thankful for today, being a normal day... I came to the realization that today, today I am content in life. I don't know about tomorrow, but today I have reason to smile. Because God loves me and He is faithful.

I was reading a post by another blogger lovely little besos, she was writing about Valentines and this is some of what she said:"Unfortunately, I don't get showered with love from my family either. I come from the type of family where we don't ever say "I love you". Its more of something that is assumed than heard, and the belief is actions are supposed to show someone's love for you. Which is true. I also don't really get treated like a "princess" in my family. Which means I don't get flowers or cards sent to me on this holiday.  I am not trying to have a pity party here. I am just trying to shed some light on why some people consider valentines day a regular day, and why others tend to get bitter. I am not going to lie, I am envious of the many girls that get taken out to dinner by their significant others or flowers sent to them by their families on this day. But I also hope for a future of that type of love in my life."

That is so my same situation. Growing up and still I don't hear "I love you" unless I am in the middle of a heated discusion or we just had a disagreement. Though every year  my mom gets me something on Valentines but it always seems genaric. On Saturday my parents gave me a rose they picked up at the store, I do appreciate that. The thought was nice but it doesn't really mean a whole lot to me. {I don't mean to be ungrateful} when I see it I am just reminded that they picked it up while grocery shopping, so convienant...seems so inpersonal.
I don't like unknowns, or really spur-of-the-moment, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type stuff but I pray that the man I marry someday is romantic, a bit mysterious & spontaneous, smart, frugal but not a tightwad, loveing, kind, compassionate, unselfish but most of all that He loves Jesus above all and strives to please Him in ALL things. (*Gives me a lot to strive for as well, to be all those things and more for him)

Someday I am sure I will have a SUPER extra special Valentines Day but...
I am glad for today, that is was simple.
normal,
& I am content.

BTW something I found really ironic and oddly funny. I was at the gym this morning and one TV was on TLC two "Baby Stories" were on in the time that I was there. The first was about a gay couple who had one child already and was using a surrogate to have another. Their surrogate was one of the guys sister, she was also the surrogate for their first baby. (*I don't know what your views on this are but I found it disgusting & morally wrong. The Bible states marriage unions are one man & one women not two men or two women) {I got all that by just looking at the screen occasionally}
The second story that came on was about a man and women who were heavily involved in their CHRISTIAN church. They prayed on screen with their church and youth group more then once. They were in charge of the youth group and they talked openly of the Lord, their faith and Christianity.
I thought it was oddly ironic how opposite the two episodes were.

Praise Him.

I work at a women and childrens homeless shelter, each evening there is a mandetory chapel service. Last night we watched "Courageous", how inspiring and convicting that movie is! I was so uplifted by its message am so thankful for people who are brave enough to set out and make movies with such powerful conviction. Today as I was editing I sat down and watched "Facing The Giants"...ooh man I was crying. I love the part where the main charecter goes into the woods and prays. His prayer goes a little like this ...

"Lord Jesus would you help me,

I need you.

Lord I feel like there are giants of fear and failure just staring down at me waiting to crush me and i don't know how to beat them.

Lord I'm tired of being afraid.

Lord if you want me to do something else show me.

If You want me to stay, so be it.

If You want me to go, so be it.

But you're my God.

You're on the throne.

You can have my hopes and my dreams.

Lord give me something show me something." 

That is my prayer. I want to love Jesus even when my way doesn't happen.

I want to praise Him in the wins,

and praise Him in the losses.

Father God, until the You move me, may I bloom where I are planted.

Help me to give You my very best, my very best.

No quiting until I've got nothing left.

¹ Praise the LORD, my soul;
   all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the LORD, my soul,
   and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
   and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
   and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
   so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s

Psalm 103:1-5

Say what?

This morning at church I found out that two of my good friends (Aaron & Amada) are engaged!
They had been courting since October & are to be married in September.
I was shocked because I work with Amanda and she didn't say a word last night. So far this year there are 3 weddings, two that I am photographing & thiers... so exciting!
It is so strange to have my friends engaged, getting married & having babies....I don't feel like this should be happening yet. Maybe because it feels so far off for me, in my mind I think everyone else is waiting too...HAHA yeah right! Anyway, exciting things are happening....to everyone else. I suppose to me too but those are below the surface, Abram type of stuff... God has promised me that He has a plan, a hope & a future. He is working on me even though I don't see it or comprihend how my dreams & desires will ever come to pass.

I have always dreaded the day when my friends would start getting engaged, married & have babies & I would be left with my mouth open in shock pouting because it's not my turn yet...  I am sure every young women who is single goes through this. What makes it worse is that when I was a teenager I read all sorts of romance books, you know those "Christian contemporary fiction" where the girl is in her mid-late twenties, single, hopeless romantic, a christian. She goes to church  and everytime a new guy comes she does the ring check {to see if he is available} & the whole book she is faking contentment just so she "gets her prince" & by the end everything is happy & she gets the guy. Yeah that will NOT be me. I  gave up reading those years, years ago.... In a way I believe books like that (or the Christian equivelent of harlequin romance novels) are "Christian porn" it's addicting, seems safe because "It's Christian"....but in the end it still gives an unrealistic ideal.

*BTW I don't know when this turned into a "rant" it really wasn't the intention.

Thank goodness for Gods plans! Mine would make the world explode I am sure!
Anyway... I can't think of anything else at the moment.

the truth

the truth is....
i don't feel peaceful
i feel broken, but not in a "good broken" way.
i am afraid.
i am so freaked out by how emotional i have been lately.
searching will never be over, i fear the answer will never be found.
i am weak.

My moral compass points north, no matter what. I am strong willed, I like details & facts. There has to be a plan...it is my driving force. Faith is so hard for me, not doubting is impossible. I know what I know is truth, applying it & feeling so like such a distant idea. I long for things so much it hurts. This unrest & discontentment rears it's ugly head & you would think all hell broke loose. I hate myself when emotions gethe best of me{quick to listen, slow to speak & slow to become angry}. I can cry at the drop of a hat [NO it's not PMS, NO I am not pregnant] I feel like I am fighting for my life here in an emotion & seemingly spiritual battle. Explaining what is going on inside my heart & head is so diffilcult..honestly this whole "thing" probably doesn't need to be explained, but because of me I feel I have to. Satan is trying his best to bring me down & it has worked, but "For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day."

How sweet to know there is forgiveness for all  of my ugliness.
This attitude is awful, a scheme of satan.. in 2 Corinthians 2:10b-11 it says "I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." I have certainly seemed {unaware}.

In moments such as this I want answers, no one can seem to understand enough about where I am coming from or how I see things or what I am feeling. I am screming for Jesus to hear me, for some sort of sign to know He is there {even though I know He is always there} I desperately want to feel it. Why are feelings so important?

Oh sweet Jesus.... I know you are breaking me. Give me a heart to seek You diligently. Give me the strength to obey You. Open my eyes to see You & how You are working. Open my ears to hear You.

Help me to love You with everything. I want to be consumed by You, desperate for You. Empty me Jesus, empty me of all things me & fill me with Your Spirit. Give me Your peace that passes all understanding.

May I be still & rest in You.

Looking back

After a 21 Day Fast I didn't see what I had hoped. Life is like that, things are never what one expects.

I chose to fast from watching movies and from eating sweets, within the first few days I saw how dependant on movies I was and how much I L.O.V.E. sweets. Durring these three weeks I joined a gym, that helped a bit with the sweets "cravings". I have really enjoyed going to the gym {I went 6 times this week, Mon.-Sat.). For some reason my attituded during this time was on a roller coaster, up & down, I feel so crazy! I really don't know what God showed me durring this time other then the fact that I am too dependant on movies & sweets. In so many ways I feel more lost now then ever, my discipline really isn't much better but there is grace in the arms of God... I want to do another fast someday...but go into it with a better understanding & greater heart to seek the Lord*

I don't know what this will turn out to be, no serious post has happened in almost a week. [I apologize]
Tonight I feel like posting something so here we go.
This week has been a bit lull-ish I haven't taken any photos. I think that might be due to the fact that I already have so many that need editing & another shoot scheduled for Friday. Between Dec. 31-Feb. 10 I will have had 4 paying shoots/jobs, so unusual for this time of year but I am thankful!


Tomorrow ends the 21 Day Fast [technically] however I think I will continue with the "no sweets" thing. My discipline wasn't so great, I made a lot of excuses because I am pathetic. Anyway, I would like to do another fast in the future but be more disciplined.

baby boom

Wow...this is the year for babies. I just found out my cousin & his wife are expecting.
That makes it at least 8.

This too shall pass.. [wait it out]

[Psalm 51:6] Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
   you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

[Psalm 51:10] Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

[Psalm 51:12] Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Search me God...

shine a light on all the dark corners of my heart.

Use this week to refine and cleanse me.

[Psalm 27:1] The LORD is my light and my salvation,
   whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life,
   of whom shall I be afraid?

[Psalm 27:13 & 14]I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living. 

   Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.

I love this verse, today I was reading Psalm 27 for part of the 21 Day Fast Scripture reading. I totally forgot that these verses were in there. Last spring I was part of a ladies Bible study with a group of friends. We were going through the Fruits of the Spirit. Obviously this was a verse I had found about "goodness" and it meant so much to me. Then after awhile I forgot about it.

After searching through some comentaries I figured out the meaning of this verse.

To break it down, the author was realizing that he would see God's goodness on this side of heaven. That no matter what he was going through,

God's goodness, love & faithfulness WOULD.NOT.FAIL.

God's goodness, love & faithfulness WOULD.NOT.FALL. under his struggles, problems, frustratiosn & trials. His struggles, problems, frustrations & trials would FALL under God's goodness, love & faithfulness. God's goodness, love & faithfulness will far OUTLAST his struggles, problems, frustrations & trials.

Oh how encouraging this is. I needed this reminder.

Wait on the the Lord, be strong, take heart & wait on the Lord.

This too shall pass.

(*If you want these pics to print click here to get to me "For You" page)

" Every experience God gives us,

every person He puts into our lives,

is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see."

Coffee cake in a cup.

Go try this, 

go try it right now!

Genius idea... click here to get the recipe.

It is from Prudentbaby.com

They say it takes about 5 min. 

Mine tool a little longer but still its soooooo worth it!

Go

Playing Kari Jobe on Spotify.
I need to quit this pity party.
Have had WAY to much emotional stress lately.
I seriously thought I was PMSing for three weeks.
Sweet Jesus, HELP!!!!

It's so gloomy & sad looking....
Off to cook & be joyful.
I'll probably light a candle,
always seems to help the general mood.

Baby Shower...

A couple of weeks ago I was asking for ideas for a baby shower, I am finally going to share what I did.

The theme was safari.

I made this card & am quite proud of it!

*Baby Face* game

I had intended to use photos of the mom & dad to-be but the ones that I was given would quite work. 

After some creative thinking I came up with my own version.

The baby photos I used came from Microsoft Word clip art photos.

I had 7 or 8 different baby photos that I printed 6 of each then cut out the face parts. (eyes, nose, mouth)

I had 24 sets that included: 2 sets of eyes, 2 noses & 2 mouths, some had a few "spare" parts.

(*If you want these photos or game pieces email me & I'll be glad to get them to you)

This game was super fun, each lady or group had to agree on a name, age, first word & favorite toy for the baby. The mom to be picked the one she liked best.

*

The menu for the shower was soup, bread & cupcakes.

I knew there would be a variety of soup so I wanted a creative way to label them.

    

I had photos to use that I couldn't use for the game so I scanned them & edited them to look similar to Polaroids. Figuring out how to make them into centerpieces & get them to stand upright was hard. I had an idea but I couldn't find what I needed. I went from {Plan A-Plan G}

Finally after playing around I used two mini clothespins, wire, sucker sticks & a bow.

To write on the photo I used a dry-erase marker.

The same photo is used on both sides.

*

On another blog I saw an idea for a guestbook, she used a tree & had guests put their finger prints on it as the leaves then was giving it to the mom for the babys room.

I loved that idea & wanted to do that, but as I got thinking a lion sounded really cool.  I thought "how do I get a lion?" My friend (who will be the uncle of the baby) is a great artist so I asked him to draw a lion.

I didn't want it cartoony or too scary & I wanted him to sign it. 

He gave me permission to copy it so it wouldn't smear the pencil.

He did such a fantastic job!

I'm thinking Aslan!

Orange & yellow ink worked great for the mane!

So fantastic!

The mommy to be.